An Insight into a Cancer "Survivor's" Mindset

Over the past several months I have had an insatiable appetite for inspirational stories of cancer survivors, reading numerous books for both personal and for professional reasons. As I peruse through the lives of others who have been affected by cancer, I find that it gives me hope and allows me the opportunity to more fully understand the emotions I experience daily – like a roller coaster ride gone wild; and to know that these emotions are normal and not reflective of some inner mental breakdown that will eventually take me to the depths of hell.

This morning as I reviewed a book by Lori Hope entitled, “Help me Live: 20 things people with cancer want you to know”, I found a treasure in words written from the viewpoint of someone going through the unknowns of a life with cancer - Lori herself. Lori compares the feeling of travelling on a train and being rapidly thrown from the brightness of day into the deep darkness of the tunnels with the emotions she experiences when asked whether she has been cured of cancer.

Quoting from her afterword on page 199, this is what Lori writes: “Like going through an unfamiliar tunnel, you have no idea how long you will remain in the dark. And you have no idea what the world will look like when you come out the other end. You cannot know when darkness will overtake you again, shutting out all light. You may pop out for a hundred yards or so and delight in the beauty, only to enter another tunnel and hurtle through darkness again.”

Living in a small community, I am frequently asked how I am doing. I am amazed and humbled by the fact so many people care; and I relish the days when I feel absolutely amazing and am able to honestly tell them so. But there are the occasional dark days when I’d like to say: “The internal workings of my body are a mystery and I will always have the black cloud of cancer hanging over my head, never knowing when and if it might invade my inner sanctum once again. How do you think I’m feeling?” Fortunately, being the optimist that I am, those days are few and far between!

I thank you, Lori, for providing me with a less callous way of expressing my inner thoughts!

Until next time …..
~ B-Optimistic ~


Note: Lori's book, published by Celestial Arts in 2005, is a great read and full of insight, with 20 sections to help everyone understand what is going through a cancer survivor's mind; from how to be a good listener to why we might lose our tempers or cry at the drop of a hat. If you are a friend, caregiver, or even a cancer survivor, check it out.

Procrastination ...... What if There is No Tomorrow??

Have you ever wanted to do something so intensely that you eat it, breathe it, and sleep it? But then never get it done because .... Well, because of a fear of failure, a fear of the unknown, a fear of rejection, or perhaps a fear of (fill in the blank).

That’s me. I’m putting my dreams off - again. I have wanted to write for as long as I can remember; any kind of book – children’s book, cookbook, murder mystery. I even thought of writing one of those raunchy romance novels!!

I always seem to do all the research, read the “how-to” books, get myself all geared up, and then sizzle .... The fire goes out.

I know there’s a book or two in there. They have to come out. OK, there’s a little déjà-vu going on right here, right now! I said the same thing with the cancer and with my two pregnancies. Hmmmm .... I’m starting to sense a theme ....

So stay tuned. I am going to purge these ideas that are churning inside and fulfill that desire, once and for all!! Now, where did I leave my notebook?

Until next time .....
~ B-Optimistic ~