Time flies. Seriously.
My Mother always said that when you get older, it will go faster. When your Mom
tells you something like this, you really should take it seriously. She was so
right! I can’t believe that it’s already been nearly 10 months since my last
blog post. I can’t say that it has ALL been fun though!
An update from my last
post (and I apologize for my lateness with this task):
I enjoyed Christmas
with family! That was an unexpected, but well accepted bonus. With surgery scheduled
for January 5th, I got to enjoy all of the festivities. I am not
sure if that is the reason, but I do have to say that I was a real trooper this
time. I stayed calm (well, somewhat calm) and went in with the attitude that ‘it
is what it is’. I walked to the OR and sat patiently waiting for them to get
things ready for ‘my turn’. The surgery itself was standard. Both tumours were
removed – both easily – but unfortunately one of them ruptured, pretty much
guaranteeing that this won’t be my last walk down that long hallway. ☹
My recovery in
hospital, although not horrendous, was far from pleasant. I was a patient longer
than hoped for as I had more complications than the previous 4 surgeries. I was
assigned a different anesthesiologist (even though I asked for my usual guy) and
I really do think that makes a difference. I ended up with kidney issues that thankfully
were dealt with quickly and successfully, a touch of pneumonia, and an allergic
reaction to the pain killer - which resulted in a longer hospital stay. I was
in misery the whole time I was there. The hospital was too hot (even the nurses
complained) and I do not handle heat well. I could not wait to leave. It was
wonderful to be home, but once there, I developed what was believed to be two
seromas, both requiring surgically inserted drainage tubes, another factor to
slow my recovery time. Thankfully it was winter and I had no urge to step
outside the door. It was two months before I could say that I felt human again.
But I survived.
I am now doing OK now
after 7 months and the tenderness is finally easing to the point where it is
just occasional discomfort. Life is getting back to normal (well, whatever ‘normal’
is for a cancer survivor). Honestly, I really don’t remember what a normal life
feels like …. I’ve spent way too long in this phase of my existence.
I was surprised to find
that I have more anger after this last surgery. I am angry that I always have
anxiety when a new ache or pain appears. I am angry that I will always have
that threat of ‘return’ hanging over my head and angry that it also affects not
only my life, but that of my children and grandchildren.
But, thankfully, I
also have that optimism in the back of my mind … it’s just there … as it should
be. Because there is always hope. I’m still alive. And it’s been 15 years. I
have friends and acquaintances who have passed recently who only had months
after their diagnosis. Life is not always fair. And I can’t help but wonder …
why am I still here? Do I still have some mission that I haven’t accomplished
yet? Some stone unturned? A goal that I set for myself when I came back as this
persona – yes, I do believe that we return. 😉 Whatever it is, I will wait for it … and hope
I recognize it when it happens. And for the record - If optimism is what is keeping me here, then
I guess I’m in it for the long haul!
The moral to this
story? Enjoy your life. If my friends David, Dwain, Anna, Angus, Dave, and others
were here, they would tell you the exact same thing. Don’t take anything for
granted. Oh, and one more thing. My Mother was right, but with one exception ….
Time does fly, but you don’t always get older to find that out. R.I.P. my
friends.
Until next time …….
B-Optimistic 😊
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