RECURRING CANCER - It's becoming a habit for me

Well, my friends. I have some news that I wanted to share with you personally before the word gets out on the street. I am not posting this because I am looking for sympathy or comments. In fact, if you know me at all, you know that the opposite of this is the case. I just know how quickly bad news travels on the ‘grapevine’ and how it is normally stretched right out of proportion. It won’t be long before the stories get started.

My latest CTScan at the end of July indicated that my cancer is back. I have a 12 cm tumour in approximately the same area as the last one. Only one, so that is great news! So, I am travelling once again to Halifax for a consultation with my Oncologist on September 6^th and expect to have a surgery date scheduled for some time after that.

Once the initial disappointment dissipated, my mental state has remained optimistic, just as it has been in the past. With this being my 4^th surgery to remove these little devils since 2002, it has gotten to the point that I just think “WHEN will the next recurrence be” not “Will the cancer return.” I refer to these recurrences as my “speed bumps on the road of life”.

Physically, I was feeling wonderful and staying active until two nights ago. My symptoms are not the same as the other 3 times and I’m hoping that is a good thing. Left sided pain that subsides to a bit of abdominal discomfort is all I have this time. But it was enough to make me suspect things were not quite right and I requested a Scan prior to my last check up, confirming the presence of another tumour. I continued to enjoy life in spite of it all over the past two months even with the diagnosis.J

I will try and keep everyone informed of what is happening so you know the truth, but if you hear something on the street and wonder if it’s true, do not be afraid to ask. There have been some wild stories with regard to my health status in the past. It’s been 10 years since my initial diagnosis and I plan on being around for another 30 - just to keep Willie’s life interesting!! LOL

You can be assured that I appreciate and accept all optimistic vibes and prayers for my upcoming surgery and recovery. I thank you for that. And although I know many of you will want to offer words of encouragement - I have witnessed how supportive you all are - I may not be able to keep up with the responses to this post AND get all of those household tasks done that I need to do before surgery. lol But I WILL make it my priority to answer any questions you might have about my condition if it will help make others more aware of the symptoms and issues surrounding Ovarian Cancer.

If you aren’t familiar with my past cancer history - and are interested - it's all right here on the blog. Now that I am making my recurrence ‘public’, I will try and keep you up to date on what is happening inside this mind of mine as well. J

Until next time ......

~ B-Optimistic ~

The Secret ......

Last night I finally unwrapped and started watching The Secret. I bought the DVD late last winter after a friend loaned me her copy. How much do I believe in this concept? A lot!!

I've always been an optimist and my husband always told me I must have a "lucky horseshoe" because "luck" seemed to come my way. But I accredited any good fortune to "being in the right place at the right time." The Secret takes it just beyond that ... describing how you can consciously attract to you what it is that you most desire in life; money, relationships, health ... whatever floats your boat.

So, I guess being in the right place at the right time must mean that I've practiced a wee bit of The Secret's philosophy. Basically, this is what The Secret says: What you think is what you get. If you think negative thoughts, then that is what you will attract to your life: negative things. Likewise, if you think positive thoughts .... well, you get my drift.

So how did I end up with cancer if, unconsciously, I've always put out positive vibes? I've done a lot of thinking about that. I discovered that I started putting out negative health vibes when I was a teenager working in a small rural post office handing out mail. Each day I would make small talk with the same people, watching them come and go. There were several who, to me, appeared to be old and feeble and who had a difficult time getting around. I told myself, and my husband (who I was dating at the time), that I never wanted to live to be "that" old. For years I maintained this same thought process; anytime I would see someone frail I would utter the same wish under my breath.

Then, commencing a few years later when we had young sons, I remember frequently asking that higher power to allow me to live long enough in life to see my children grown and settled. I just couldn't bear the thought that they would have to grow up without me in their life.

So, when I watched The Secret the first time earlier this year, I started thinking about these thoughts from my past and a lightbulb went off! I had unconsciously wished for cancer to enter my life!! Okay, maybe not "cancer" specifically. But think about it ..... I got my wish. I had lived long enough to see my children grown! My sons were 24 and 22 when I was first diagnosed; the oldest settled and happy in his own apartment and the youngest just newly graduated from university, off on a working adventure in the great white north. Hmmmm ... makes you think, doesn't it???

But once again "the horsehoe" has been polished. It appears that the powers-that-be realized that I was young and naive and didn't understand that things aren't always as bad as they appear! Remember those folks that looked so old to me; many are still alive and kicking and were probably not all that old back then.

I believe I've been given a second chance; a chance to make new wishes. Fortunately for me, my cancer is not agressive. There is no known cure, but that's today. Who's to say what will be discovered tomorrow. Right this minute I'm sending out positive vibes for a cure ........ and giving thanks several times each day for my healing. :)

Needless to say, I am also sending new family-oriented mental images out to the universe. I plan to live long enough to see my grandchildren become successful and independent. Oh, and I'm also thinking that a huge birthday bash will be in order when I celebrate my 65th birthday in another decade + a few years!!

Until next time ......
~B-Optimistic ~