I have no idea how
many followers I have, but it just dawned on me a couple of days
ago that if I do have any (other than family and friends), there may
be some curiosity about whether I have moved on to a higher plain given the length of time between posts. ;-)
Let it be known that I
am still here …. still kicking … and still living my life between recurrences as stress-less-ly as I can. My
latest recurrence in late 2016 was tackled head on and quickly in early 2017 with
surgery to remove two tumours – the troublemaker and a second one that might
have gotten into some mischief if given half the chance.
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It was a harder than
usual recovery for me this time, but not as bad as some of my GCT sisters have
had. It's been a rough couple of years for the gals in that group. We lost several sisters, all who have GCT, and all who fought diligently against this disease until the very end. Several were just beginning life.
It's been rough on a personal level too but not because of my own trials. I lost two friends from high school …. One suddenly from a
ruptured aorta, and the other from a
pancreatic cancer diagnosis. Those two were the hardest. But there have been
others …. so many others who have passed on … acquaintances and relatives and more … all taken
too soon and many not much older than me. Cancer is high on the list as the cause.
I don’t tend to
express my emotions to others, verbally or otherwise. Mainly because I’m sure everyone
has their own worries, concerns, fears. And, to be downright honest, most people don't want to talk about it because it makes them uncomfortable. I'm OK with that. I do pride myself on being a good listener,
though, so I do talk to myself a lot! 😉 That being said, I am not going to haul out my emotions and
lay them on the table here either. Let it be known, however, that losing people
just a bit older than you – especially when you are only in your early 60’s -
is extremely devastating and also thought provoking. But to lose people your own age with so much to live
for, can knock you right on your keister and keep you there for a very, very
long time. It makes me wonder ... when will my turn come. What will be my demise. It's hard not to think that way when you are surrounded by loss.
None of us know what we
are going to find as we meander down that road of life. Personally, I am one of very few who
would like to have access to that crystal ball. But I’ve been thinking … hard …
and I do want to say this. Live for yourself. Always. Make yourself the
priority. Not your spouse, not your kids, not your parents. Yourself. Live your
own life. Follow your dreams .. don’t let someone else influence what, how, and
when you do things. The old cliché “Stop and smell the roses” has a far deeper
meaning than most of us realize. Don’t smell someone else’s roses. Tend to your
own rose bush and be sure to inhale deeply every day of your life. I have some regrets that I didn't realize this much sooner in life. I've got it figured out now though. ;-)
Until next time …….
~ B-Optimistic 😊
P.S. I’ll share the
low-down on survivor’s guilt sometime soon! It’s a real thing.
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