The Guest House - Poem by Jelalludin Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks

A Passing Storm 
Original Painting by Brenda L Despres

As I work on a painting tonight, I am multitasking by listening to an audio book entitled, "The Joy Diet: 10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life" by Martha Beck. Don't get me wrong. I am definitely in a good place right now - both mentally and emotionally, but I always strive to find ways to keep that feeling steady.

In the first part of this book, Martha recites a poem that I find quite interesting ... and definitely worth sharing. It sanctions mood changes .... the ups and downs of everyday life ... and encourages us to accept and greet those altering personality shifts with a smile and a welcome.

Take a minute to read it for yourself .... I would love to hear your comments!

THE GUEST HOUSE

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

-- Jelaluddin Rumi,

    translation by Coleman Barks

The Guest House - Poem by Jelalludin Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks

Meanwhile, I must get back to my art.

Until next time ....
~ B-Optimistic ~ :-)

What Does Your 'Happy Dance' Look Like?

I'm sure you've heard the term "Happy Dance" at least once in your lifetime. But have you actually personally done a Happy Dance? I have .... many times. But I've never put it on video because I'm sure my Happy Dance looks much better in my mind that it would to actually see it!! LOL

But this gal has ..... and it's fantastic. You really have to check this video out; then check out the other links as well. She was recently visiting St. John's, Newfoundland on the east coast of Canada and I discovered her when a post appeared on Facebook. Since it made me happy, I just had to share. Here are the links. Enjoy!! And then take out your favourite tunes and 'dance like no one is watching.'
Love this story!!
Watch the video first - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37QBlyPcMBQ

..... Then watch the news story on Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=704577456281117&set=vb.198993970172804&type=2&theater

...... And she's got a great blog! - http://tiffanystaropoli.com/about-tiffany/


Until next time ......
~ B-Optimistic ~  :-)

P.S. I am presently healthy and happy!! I hope to do a little more Blogging soon!

The Power of Words ......

When I was younger, I always used to wonder why my Mother kept the greeting cards that were given to her on special occasions. There were tons of them, each bunch circled by an elastic band to keep them together, collected over the years for birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, and condolences – and any other occasion befitting a message of hope, joy, or sorrow.

I am definitely my Mother’s daughter. I, too, have my bundle of cards …. well, OK, more than one. My collection is growing each year, but I don’t expect to ever reach the number of cards my mother had saved.

As I was rearranging things in my dresser drawer today in an effort to become more organized, I came across a large bundle of cards – encircled with an elastic, each containing a personal message reflective of the occasion. Against my better judgment (and my goal of getting things done), I sat down on the bed and started to read through them in hopes of whittling down the pile. A valiant effort …. but, alas, all cards will go into the new box of memories delegated just for them.

There were so many wonderful hand written notes, each one heartfelt and memorable. But there was one card in particular that caught and held my attention. The poem inside – written by Emily Matthews – was beautiful – but it was the personal sentiment expressed by my friend, Kathy C, in a card sent to me several years ago, that demanded I stop long enough to share the message with you now.

“I recently heard a minister say something which hit a note with me,” Kathy wrote. “When you are down to nothing, that is when God is up to something.”

There were many times over the past 10 years that I could have easily crawled into a fetal position and asked, “Why me”. But it is messages like this one that have kept me strong and helped me face my personal battle with cancer optimistically. Thank you, Kathy! Your words are still bringing me hope and determination after all these years.

Do you have a friend whose spirit could use a little lift? Send them a card with a handwritten message, perhaps one that they will tuck away in their memory bundle. You just never know how many years of joy that message will bring!

Until next time ……

~ BOptimistic ~

P.S. For the record, it will be four months this week since my surgery and I am very thankful that life is returning to normal and I am now able to resume many of the tasks of everyday life. :-)

Sunny Days Ahead .....

I feel wonderful today – healthy, happy, & content ......

I am at a familiar stage, felt only once before, and a few years after my first bout with cancer. I realized this morning that my head is clear of thoughts of the disease and that I can once again picture my life without it. Call it denial, call it naivety, call it whatever ... it is an amazing feeling. I am not concerned that aches and pains might be the sign of a return of the disease and I have a wonderful feeling of plain old lust for life. It appears the black cloud that followed me all fall has finally dissipated! Yahoo!

I am also pleased to report that although I miss my buddy, that feeling has also eased. Perhaps the feelings are related? Perhaps it is a coincidence? I have no plans to ponder why ......

I am starting to think that 2011 might be the year that I will move on with my life, follow my dreams, and begin many new adventures! Hmmmm .... wonder what is in store? Stay tuned .....

Until next time .....
~ BOptimistic! ~

Reflecting ......

It’s hard to believe that a year ago I was waiting for results of a CT Scan and expecting to be told that my GCT had returned. I will always remember the elation of getting the phone call from my Gynaecologist telling me that the scan was clear. That was definitely the best Christmas gift ever.

I am still feeling wonderful (knock on wood as I don’t want to curse it) and looking forward to spending Christmas with our sons and two boisterous grandchildren. The year has gone by so quickly! My wonderful Mom always said that as I got older, the time would fly by faster every year. She was so right! And I am only 53..... I can’t imagine what it will be like in 20 years!

But for the record, things weren’t exactly perfect. I had a rough fall psychologically with no discernable explanation at the time for the emotional roller coaster I was on. Health wise, everything seemed to be fine. But as I come out of that ‘doom and gloom’ fog I was in, there seems to be one dominant thought factor. I am still missing the companionship of a canine friend, even more so now than last year at this time. I thought that, after nearly 2 years, I would have gotten used to not having a four-legged, hair shedding, pesty little critter around, but guess that is not to be. I have had a pet for way too many years and I think this is the longest that I have gone without.

I am hoping that this urge will pass. I have no immediate plans to run out and find a replacement, mainly because I can’t imagine as strong a bond with another animal as I had with Rocky. But also because my husband and I have plans to travel and a dog would definitely tie us down. So I will persevere.... Wish me luck!!

Merry Christmas everyone!!
And until next time ........
~ BOptimistic! ~

The Freedoms That Come With Age

My email Inbox has been extremely busy of late and I really haven't been keeping up like I should (translation: cleaning out all of the duplicate chain emails that I get from well-meaning friends and family!!)

So this morning I thought I'd take a few minutes and start the process. I didn't get far when I came across this one - which I had already read but had not deleted for some reason. When I read it through again, I thought it would be a perfect addition to my Blog .... full of optimism and fuzzy thoughts .... the epitome of chain emails.

Being an email communication, there is - unfortunately - no name to credit these words of wisdom to. But my hat goes off to you, whoever you are!!

For those of you reading my Blog - accidentally or on purpose - I hope you enjoy this one too!

*************************************************************************************
I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 &70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).

MAY YOUR FRIENDSHIPS NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY ARE STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART ........................... ..................... AND MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A RAINBOW OF SMILES ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART FOREVER AND EVER!

If Time Flies When You're Having Fun .....

My mother was a very smart lady. She always said that as I got older, the days would go by more quickly. How right she was!

It seems like only last week that I was digging out the Christmas decorations and decking the halls. And now the holidays are over and it is time to take everything down and pack it all away for another year.

Even more disturbing is that it seems like only a few years ago that every newscast focused on the disastrous effect that Y2K would have on the world as we knew it.

But here we are in 2009 and the first decade of this millennium is whizzing by at phenomenal speed. I wonder what wonderful advances will be made in cancer research in the next two years; conspiracy theorists say that a cure for cancer is out there but is being held back by the powers that be. It sounds like a plausible theory, but perhaps there are just too many variables and too many types of cancer to make finding a cure just that easy. At least that is what I hope is causing the delay!!

Before 2009 gets any further along, I thought I would list the things that I am thankful for instead of recording a list of resolutions. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not above making resolutions and I do have a few floating around in my mind, but this year it just seems more appropriate to reflect on the positives. So here goes.

I’m thankful for:
• my husband who, after 33 years of marriage, finally understands where I am at this point in time. There may be several facets of “me” that still remain a mystery to him, but he is definitely trying;
• my sons who have grown into very considerate and fabulous young men and even though they don’t give me as many hugs or tell me they love me as often as I’d like them to, I know they love me;
• my new “daughters” who seem to make my sons very happy and who are a pleasure to be around;
• my grandchildren, whose hugs and smiles can brighten even the darkest days;
• my health, without which I would probably not be composing a gratitude list;
• my doctors, surgeons, prayer groups, and well-wishers who have had a huge role in the stability of my physical and mental health;
• my family – especially my sister, Marg, and cousin, Carol - who have provided much needed support when things weren’t as they should be and who are there whenever I need them;
• my companion, Rocky, who has been my sidekick for over 16 years and who listens to every word I say, even when I’m talking to myself;
• my friends, both old and new, who keep me aligned with who I am and support me in what I want to be;
• my community, filled with people who share their love and show their support to any and all who are in need;
• my life in general – it is a good life;
• and last but not least, my higher being, without whom I would have had a much more difficult time dealing with the anxieties of the past 6 years.

The year 2008 was one of personal growth for me. I have matured a great deal over the past year and I am comfortable with the person I have become at this stage of my life. That being said, I have noticed that I am becoming more outspoken on topics that are important to me and more direct with people when they irritate me, but hopefully always in a positive manner.

Over the past year I have faced my demons head on and accepted the fact that at some point I will no longer be a part of this world. I have also discovered that I am totally at ease with death, but I just don’t want it to come knocking any time soon.

There is nothing I did in 2008 that I would want - or need - to undo if given the opportunity, but many things that I would want to do more of. Perhaps that will be at the top of my resolution list for 2009!!

Finally, my wish for 2009 is that time slows down so that we can all cram in so many treasured moments that we can not keep track of them all!!

Until next time ……..

~ B-Optimistic ~

An Early Christmas Gift

I had my CT Scan last Friday, December 19th. I have never been nervous for a scan before, but this one really flipped me upside down – nervous stomach, tension, the whole nine yards!! I was so sure that the tenderness I have experienced since mid-July signalled the return of cancer. The days prior to the scan were filled with headaches, aches and pains, and the need for daily naps, adding even more fuel for the imagination. I was positive that this disease was starting to take over my body once again.

I even tried to analyze the expression on the technician’s face as she unhooked the IV and removed that amazingly comfortable wedge from under my knees (I really have to get one of those for home!). She didn’t look me in the eyes and her smile seemed to be a bit forced. That could only mean one thing …..

I was meeting friends following the scan and on the drive there I made the choice to leave it all in the hands of my higher power. If the scan showed what I suspected, then I would deal with it; there was a reason for it. I felt very comfortable about my decision to ask my doctor to keep the results to herself until after the Holidays. Although I hadn’t asked her to, I tried to imagine her calling me with good news before Christmas – you know, that positive-thought-vibe technique – but negative thoughts kept drifting in and taking over. I guess thinking about cancer’s return not being part of the equation was difficult because the signs seemed to all point to a recurrence.

Letting go of my concerns and putting my fears in someone else’s hands (someone else being my “higher power”) worked wonders. I really cannot imagine how people survive without the belief that there is someone or something more powerful out there to help ease the burdens of life. It is such a comforting feeling.

The weekend went quickly and we had lots of fun. Our two grandchildren, ages 4 ½ and 3, came for a two-night visit and the weekend was a blur of activity. Monday was busy as well, especially with Christmas just a few days away.

It was around 9:15 p.m. on Monday evening when the phone rang and I just assumed it was one of the kids calling. At first I didn’t recognize her voice and when she said her name, I shuddered from head to toe. My first thought: “Surely she hasn’t forgotten that I did not want to hear the results until after the Holidays”? And then I realized that this doctor is much more compassionate than that and she could only be calling for one reason – good news!

The CT Scan results were back and …… drum roll please ….. there was no sign of cancer!! What an amazing bit of news to hear just a few days before Christmas! It was difficult to talk with a frog in my throat and tears streaming down my cheeks. But I did manage to wish her a Happy Holiday and to thank her for taking the time out to call. After I hung up, I asked my husband to confirm that I was not dreaming; that my doctor had just called and all was well. Wow, what a bag of mixed emotions I was experiencing!!

It took me two whole days for this news to sink in and become real. But, believe me, I am now floating on cloud nine … no, make that could ten!! Oh, and I’ve decided to live in the “now” for a few weeks because it is an amazing place to be at the moment. I’ll get back to my “planning for the future” phase after the Holidays!

I’m off to prepare for an overnight stay with our children and grandchildren to await the arrival of Santa. We have lots to be thankful for – we have the freedom that comes with living in a great country; we enjoy the comforts and pleasure of being surrounded by friends and family; and this year we will celebrate a cancer-free Christmas!!

But above all else, I will give thanks for the wonderful work of my oncologist and his team and for this wonderful sensation of comfort and security, embraced in the arms of my higher being. May you all experience this feeling at least once in your lives!

Until next time ……

~ B-Optimistic ~

The Secret ......

Last night I finally unwrapped and started watching The Secret. I bought the DVD late last winter after a friend loaned me her copy. How much do I believe in this concept? A lot!!

I've always been an optimist and my husband always told me I must have a "lucky horseshoe" because "luck" seemed to come my way. But I accredited any good fortune to "being in the right place at the right time." The Secret takes it just beyond that ... describing how you can consciously attract to you what it is that you most desire in life; money, relationships, health ... whatever floats your boat.

So, I guess being in the right place at the right time must mean that I've practiced a wee bit of The Secret's philosophy. Basically, this is what The Secret says: What you think is what you get. If you think negative thoughts, then that is what you will attract to your life: negative things. Likewise, if you think positive thoughts .... well, you get my drift.

So how did I end up with cancer if, unconsciously, I've always put out positive vibes? I've done a lot of thinking about that. I discovered that I started putting out negative health vibes when I was a teenager working in a small rural post office handing out mail. Each day I would make small talk with the same people, watching them come and go. There were several who, to me, appeared to be old and feeble and who had a difficult time getting around. I told myself, and my husband (who I was dating at the time), that I never wanted to live to be "that" old. For years I maintained this same thought process; anytime I would see someone frail I would utter the same wish under my breath.

Then, commencing a few years later when we had young sons, I remember frequently asking that higher power to allow me to live long enough in life to see my children grown and settled. I just couldn't bear the thought that they would have to grow up without me in their life.

So, when I watched The Secret the first time earlier this year, I started thinking about these thoughts from my past and a lightbulb went off! I had unconsciously wished for cancer to enter my life!! Okay, maybe not "cancer" specifically. But think about it ..... I got my wish. I had lived long enough to see my children grown! My sons were 24 and 22 when I was first diagnosed; the oldest settled and happy in his own apartment and the youngest just newly graduated from university, off on a working adventure in the great white north. Hmmmm ... makes you think, doesn't it???

But once again "the horsehoe" has been polished. It appears that the powers-that-be realized that I was young and naive and didn't understand that things aren't always as bad as they appear! Remember those folks that looked so old to me; many are still alive and kicking and were probably not all that old back then.

I believe I've been given a second chance; a chance to make new wishes. Fortunately for me, my cancer is not agressive. There is no known cure, but that's today. Who's to say what will be discovered tomorrow. Right this minute I'm sending out positive vibes for a cure ........ and giving thanks several times each day for my healing. :)

Needless to say, I am also sending new family-oriented mental images out to the universe. I plan to live long enough to see my grandchildren become successful and independent. Oh, and I'm also thinking that a huge birthday bash will be in order when I celebrate my 65th birthday in another decade + a few years!!

Until next time ......
~B-Optimistic ~