What it is Like to Live with a Cancer Diagnosis

Imagine you’re going about your day, minding your own business, when someone sneaks up behind you. You feel something press up against the back of your head, as someone whispers in your ear.

“Sssshhhhh…. don’t turn around. Just listen. I am holding a gun against the back of your head. I’m going to keep it there. I’m going to follow you around like this every day, for the rest of your life.”

“I’m going to press a bit harder, every so often, just to remind you I’m here, but you need to try your best to ignore me, to move on with your life. Act like I’m not here, but don’t you ever forget… one day I may just pull the trigger… or maybe I won’t. Isn’t this going to be a fun game?”

This is what it is like to be diagnosed with cancer. Any STAGE of cancer. Any KIND of cancer. Remission does not change the constant fear. It never truly goes away. It’s always in the back of your mind.

Please, if you have a loved one who has ever been diagnosed with cancer, remember this. They may never talk about it or they may talk about it often. Listen to them. They aren’t asking you to make it better. They want you to sit with them in their fear… their sadness… their anger… just for the moment. That’s it.

Don’t try to talk them out of how they are feeling. That doesn’t help. It will only make them feel like what they are going through is being minimized. Don’t remind them of all the good things they still have in their life. They know. They are grateful.

But some days they are more aware of that gun pressing into the back of their head and they need to talk about it. Offer them an ear.

Written by Sherry McAllister

❤

Thank you, Sherry, for so effectively describing what life is like for someone diagnosed with cancer. You have captured the feeling perfectly.

Until next time …….

~ B-Optimistic 😊

Sherry is the Mom to Sherman the Therapy Dog on Facebook.  She is a 2x's cancer survivor who, at the time of writing this on March 21, 2019, was battling incurable stage 4 Gastrointestinal cancer, after a 2 year battle with breast cancer.

https://www.facebook.com/ShermantheTherapyDog/posts/cancer-imagine-youre-going-about-your-day-minding-your-own-business-when-someone/2119948471414861/

Words of Wisdom ......

Make your bucket list ... and get 'er done! 

The Guest House - Poem by Jelalludin Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks

A Passing Storm 
Original Painting by Brenda L Despres

As I work on a painting tonight, I am multitasking by listening to an audio book entitled, "The Joy Diet: 10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life" by Martha Beck. Don't get me wrong. I am definitely in a good place right now - both mentally and emotionally, but I always strive to find ways to keep that feeling steady.

In the first part of this book, Martha recites a poem that I find quite interesting ... and definitely worth sharing. It sanctions mood changes .... the ups and downs of everyday life ... and encourages us to accept and greet those altering personality shifts with a smile and a welcome.

Take a minute to read it for yourself .... I would love to hear your comments!

THE GUEST HOUSE

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

-- Jelaluddin Rumi,

    translation by Coleman Barks

The Guest House - Poem by Jelalludin Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks

Meanwhile, I must get back to my art.

Until next time ....
~ B-Optimistic ~ :-)

What Does Your 'Happy Dance' Look Like?

I'm sure you've heard the term "Happy Dance" at least once in your lifetime. But have you actually personally done a Happy Dance? I have .... many times. But I've never put it on video because I'm sure my Happy Dance looks much better in my mind that it would to actually see it!! LOL

But this gal has ..... and it's fantastic. You really have to check this video out; then check out the other links as well. She was recently visiting St. John's, Newfoundland on the east coast of Canada and I discovered her when a post appeared on Facebook. Since it made me happy, I just had to share. Here are the links. Enjoy!! And then take out your favourite tunes and 'dance like no one is watching.'
Love this story!!
Watch the video first - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37QBlyPcMBQ

..... Then watch the news story on Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=704577456281117&set=vb.198993970172804&type=2&theater

...... And she's got a great blog! - http://tiffanystaropoli.com/about-tiffany/


Until next time ......
~ B-Optimistic ~  :-)

P.S. I am presently healthy and happy!! I hope to do a little more Blogging soon!

What is Your 'Something'?

I ran into a friend downtown today who I haven’t seen in a while. He asked how I was doing. “Cancer hasn’t returned?” he queried.

“Nope,” I replied, “not so far. It’s been nearly a year since the last time I was diagnosed and I’m feeling pretty good.”

“Life isn’t fair,” he stated flatly, referring to the fact that I had cancer in the first place. He always says the same thing to me when we meet. It’s because he cares.

“Life’s fair,” I responded. And when he looked me in the eye as if I had lost my marbles, I continued. “Things could be so much worse than they are. I hope my cancer doesn’t come back, but I’m still alive and right now I feel good. I’m happy with that.”

“Yup,” he said. “You’re right. Things could have been a whole lot worse.”

And then we moved on to other topics. But I know we will have this same conversation the next time I see him because we have had it since I was first diagnosed more than 11 years ago.

Just prior to this conversation, another friend - who has retired and feels better now than she has in years – talked about the various ailments she had while working that have now nearly disappeared with medication and exercise. “We are all at the age where we have something wrong,” she said. “It’s just a matter of what that ‘something’ is.”

I certainly could not disagree with her!! It seems that everyone I know, both younger and older, are developing some kind of physical (or mental) issue. Fortunate (and rare) are those who reach retirement age and have had nothing serious to complain about up until this point. You know, I have told myself many times that if I was given the opportunity to choose between the cancer that I have been blessed with and some of the other illnesses that plague my friends, I would keep what I have. At least I have a reprieve between recurrences, where I feel like there is nothing wrong with my body. Some of my friends don’t get that break; and many can’t remember how it feels to not be in pain. My heart goes out to them.

But for me – at least at this point in time – life is fair. I will continue to pray that my cancer does not return. But if it does, I’ll just dig deep in my trunk for a supply of ‘get me through it’ strength and cross that bridge when I come to it.

Until next time …..

~ B-Optimistic ~

Would you Want to Know Everything?

Would you want to know all of the details of your cancer prognosis ..... every little detail, no matter how devastating? According to this article, that might not be what you get from your doctor.

My gynecologist/surgeon was very forthcoming with every detail of my condition, both before and after my first surgery. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. By knowing all the details, I was able to educate myself and, hopefully, ask better questions the second and third time I went under the knife. 

Would I want to know if I had only months to live? You betcha. Because I would make the most of every last minute that I had remaining. Gory? I don't think so. It's the real deal. We're all going to go sometime. 

Tim McGraw says it best ...... Live Like you were Dying

Until next time .......

~B-Optimistic~

Reflections ....

Last week, as we took a cruise with the top down to cool off from the day’s mugginess, I seemed to be more aware of my surroundings and very in-tuned to my feelings and emotions.

As we drove past each little “community of residences” within our Village, I couldn’t help but think about the changes that have occurred over the past ten years; the people who no longer live there ... or, in some cases, the people who are no longer living.

For some reason on this particular evening my psyche seemed to stop. All of the memories of these people came crashing in around me, awakening a feeling of sadness and mourning that perhaps I had left bottled up inside and not dealt with as I should. It wasn’t a tear-filled period of time, just a feeling of longing for time to turn back .....

I feel absolutely blessed; but there are times when I can’t help but wonder why I have survived when so many have passed on. It makes me think that there is something that I need to be doing; some reason that I am still here. But perhaps I am doing what is required of me at this time and it’s just not openly visible!

Enjoy your time today. Don’t waste time planning what you need to do tomorrow ... there may not be a tomorrow. If you have a desire to accomplish something in your life – no matter how large or small – make it happen. It is in you. Don’t become that empty house where no one lives.

Until next time ......
~ B-Optimistic ~

Time Flies When You’re Having Fun!!

I’ve been very slack with my blog of late, but you can look at this as a good sign. When things are going well, I have less thoughts of the cancer that has plagued my life for the past seven years. Not to brag, but I’m feeling pretty damned good!!

There has been a lot of fun and festivity in my life over the past several months. Of course with Christmas and young grandchildren, there is always much joy in the Christmas season. They do grow up too fast though and I dread the stage in their lives when they no longer believe in Santa. We love seeing the looks on their faces when they open their presents on Christmas morning. I sometimes wonder if we’ll be around to witness that same look of wonderment on the faces of our great grandchildren? Sure, why not? Be optimistic, right?? Haha

Retirement has finally arrived for my husband and it isn’t half as bad as I thought it would be having someone else around the house all day. However, it’s only been a couple of weeks … I’ll check back with you in a couple of months! But seriously, I find that I am enjoying the company. I didn’t realize how much I have been talking to myself since Rocky (my dog and right hand guy) hasn't been here to listen to me; I also hadn’t realized how lonely it was without my canine’s company until I had human company. So it really is nice to have a distraction once in awhile.

Hubby and I are both anxiously waiting for dry roads and free time to cruise “topless” whenever the urge strikes. I’m sure there will be no road untraveled! Winter here on the east coast has been amazing this year, with just enough snow for the outdoor enthusiasts, but clear roads for the travelers. I can almost smell spring in the air!

I’m still researching the art of book writing. Wow, there certainly is a lot to learn and lots to know! I think it’s time now to put what I’ve learned into practice. Wish me luck! I probably don’t know what I’m getting into ……

And on that note, it’s a gorgeous sunny day here in my hometown and perfect lighting to start a new painting. So it’s time to get moving. So much to do ... so much fun to be had!

Until next time . . . .

~ B-Optimistic ~

If Time Flies When You're Having Fun .....

My mother was a very smart lady. She always said that as I got older, the days would go by more quickly. How right she was!

It seems like only last week that I was digging out the Christmas decorations and decking the halls. And now the holidays are over and it is time to take everything down and pack it all away for another year.

Even more disturbing is that it seems like only a few years ago that every newscast focused on the disastrous effect that Y2K would have on the world as we knew it.

But here we are in 2009 and the first decade of this millennium is whizzing by at phenomenal speed. I wonder what wonderful advances will be made in cancer research in the next two years; conspiracy theorists say that a cure for cancer is out there but is being held back by the powers that be. It sounds like a plausible theory, but perhaps there are just too many variables and too many types of cancer to make finding a cure just that easy. At least that is what I hope is causing the delay!!

Before 2009 gets any further along, I thought I would list the things that I am thankful for instead of recording a list of resolutions. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not above making resolutions and I do have a few floating around in my mind, but this year it just seems more appropriate to reflect on the positives. So here goes.

I’m thankful for:
• my husband who, after 33 years of marriage, finally understands where I am at this point in time. There may be several facets of “me” that still remain a mystery to him, but he is definitely trying;
• my sons who have grown into very considerate and fabulous young men and even though they don’t give me as many hugs or tell me they love me as often as I’d like them to, I know they love me;
• my new “daughters” who seem to make my sons very happy and who are a pleasure to be around;
• my grandchildren, whose hugs and smiles can brighten even the darkest days;
• my health, without which I would probably not be composing a gratitude list;
• my doctors, surgeons, prayer groups, and well-wishers who have had a huge role in the stability of my physical and mental health;
• my family – especially my sister, Marg, and cousin, Carol - who have provided much needed support when things weren’t as they should be and who are there whenever I need them;
• my companion, Rocky, who has been my sidekick for over 16 years and who listens to every word I say, even when I’m talking to myself;
• my friends, both old and new, who keep me aligned with who I am and support me in what I want to be;
• my community, filled with people who share their love and show their support to any and all who are in need;
• my life in general – it is a good life;
• and last but not least, my higher being, without whom I would have had a much more difficult time dealing with the anxieties of the past 6 years.

The year 2008 was one of personal growth for me. I have matured a great deal over the past year and I am comfortable with the person I have become at this stage of my life. That being said, I have noticed that I am becoming more outspoken on topics that are important to me and more direct with people when they irritate me, but hopefully always in a positive manner.

Over the past year I have faced my demons head on and accepted the fact that at some point I will no longer be a part of this world. I have also discovered that I am totally at ease with death, but I just don’t want it to come knocking any time soon.

There is nothing I did in 2008 that I would want - or need - to undo if given the opportunity, but many things that I would want to do more of. Perhaps that will be at the top of my resolution list for 2009!!

Finally, my wish for 2009 is that time slows down so that we can all cram in so many treasured moments that we can not keep track of them all!!

Until next time ……..

~ B-Optimistic ~

The Secret ......

Last night I finally unwrapped and started watching The Secret. I bought the DVD late last winter after a friend loaned me her copy. How much do I believe in this concept? A lot!!

I've always been an optimist and my husband always told me I must have a "lucky horseshoe" because "luck" seemed to come my way. But I accredited any good fortune to "being in the right place at the right time." The Secret takes it just beyond that ... describing how you can consciously attract to you what it is that you most desire in life; money, relationships, health ... whatever floats your boat.

So, I guess being in the right place at the right time must mean that I've practiced a wee bit of The Secret's philosophy. Basically, this is what The Secret says: What you think is what you get. If you think negative thoughts, then that is what you will attract to your life: negative things. Likewise, if you think positive thoughts .... well, you get my drift.

So how did I end up with cancer if, unconsciously, I've always put out positive vibes? I've done a lot of thinking about that. I discovered that I started putting out negative health vibes when I was a teenager working in a small rural post office handing out mail. Each day I would make small talk with the same people, watching them come and go. There were several who, to me, appeared to be old and feeble and who had a difficult time getting around. I told myself, and my husband (who I was dating at the time), that I never wanted to live to be "that" old. For years I maintained this same thought process; anytime I would see someone frail I would utter the same wish under my breath.

Then, commencing a few years later when we had young sons, I remember frequently asking that higher power to allow me to live long enough in life to see my children grown and settled. I just couldn't bear the thought that they would have to grow up without me in their life.

So, when I watched The Secret the first time earlier this year, I started thinking about these thoughts from my past and a lightbulb went off! I had unconsciously wished for cancer to enter my life!! Okay, maybe not "cancer" specifically. But think about it ..... I got my wish. I had lived long enough to see my children grown! My sons were 24 and 22 when I was first diagnosed; the oldest settled and happy in his own apartment and the youngest just newly graduated from university, off on a working adventure in the great white north. Hmmmm ... makes you think, doesn't it???

But once again "the horsehoe" has been polished. It appears that the powers-that-be realized that I was young and naive and didn't understand that things aren't always as bad as they appear! Remember those folks that looked so old to me; many are still alive and kicking and were probably not all that old back then.

I believe I've been given a second chance; a chance to make new wishes. Fortunately for me, my cancer is not agressive. There is no known cure, but that's today. Who's to say what will be discovered tomorrow. Right this minute I'm sending out positive vibes for a cure ........ and giving thanks several times each day for my healing. :)

Needless to say, I am also sending new family-oriented mental images out to the universe. I plan to live long enough to see my grandchildren become successful and independent. Oh, and I'm also thinking that a huge birthday bash will be in order when I celebrate my 65th birthday in another decade + a few years!!

Until next time ......
~B-Optimistic ~