What it is Like to Live with a Cancer Diagnosis

Imagine you’re going about your day, minding your own business, when someone sneaks up behind you. You feel something press up against the back of your head, as someone whispers in your ear.

“Sssshhhhh…. don’t turn around. Just listen. I am holding a gun against the back of your head. I’m going to keep it there. I’m going to follow you around like this every day, for the rest of your life.”

“I’m going to press a bit harder, every so often, just to remind you I’m here, but you need to try your best to ignore me, to move on with your life. Act like I’m not here, but don’t you ever forget… one day I may just pull the trigger… or maybe I won’t. Isn’t this going to be a fun game?”

This is what it is like to be diagnosed with cancer. Any STAGE of cancer. Any KIND of cancer. Remission does not change the constant fear. It never truly goes away. It’s always in the back of your mind.

Please, if you have a loved one who has ever been diagnosed with cancer, remember this. They may never talk about it or they may talk about it often. Listen to them. They aren’t asking you to make it better. They want you to sit with them in their fear… their sadness… their anger… just for the moment. That’s it.

Don’t try to talk them out of how they are feeling. That doesn’t help. It will only make them feel like what they are going through is being minimized. Don’t remind them of all the good things they still have in their life. They know. They are grateful.

But some days they are more aware of that gun pressing into the back of their head and they need to talk about it. Offer them an ear.

Written by Sherry McAllister

❤

Thank you, Sherry, for so effectively describing what life is like for someone diagnosed with cancer. You have captured the feeling perfectly.

Until next time …….

~ B-Optimistic 😊

Sherry is the Mom to Sherman the Therapy Dog on Facebook.  She is a 2x's cancer survivor who, at the time of writing this on March 21, 2019, was battling incurable stage 4 Gastrointestinal cancer, after a 2 year battle with breast cancer.

https://www.facebook.com/ShermantheTherapyDog/posts/cancer-imagine-youre-going-about-your-day-minding-your-own-business-when-someone/2119948471414861/

Dogs - More Than Just Your Best Friend??

A couple of weeks ago I had a visit from a relative on my husband’s side of the family. She had just received news the week before that she had been diagnosed with lung cancer. Horrible news, especially since her husband is presently undergoing an experimental treatment for Stage IV Lymphoma. She is a strong woman, but even strength can wear down when dealt too many cards at once. This is not her first experience with cancer. Her first husband died from cancer related illness and her son went through surgery/treatments a few years back and fortunately is now doing fine. Through it all, she has been the strong one ... the caregiver. What now?

During our conversation, the subject of their little dog came up. I’m sure you’ve heard of studies where dogs have been shown to have a sixth sense when someone has cancer? Well, it appears that their little pooch had been trying to give her a message prior to her diagnosis, but unfortunately, they hadn’t put the clues together. Over the last little while, the dog has been staying close to her – sitting on her knee every time she sat down and pushing its nuzzle into her chest – an action that was unusual in itself since the dog has been loyal to her husband since they first brought it home. Now, after her diagnosis, she understands why the change in loyalty .....

After they left, I started thinking about how Rocky, my dog for 16 ½ years, used to push his head into my abdomen. I always thought he had itchy eyes! Little did I know that he was trying to bring my attention to the Ovarian tumour that was growing inside.

I wish I had known then what I know now. Rocky's persistence may have been a very useful insight into what was wrong with me, saving a lot of unnecessary tests requested by the docs who were looking for everything but cancer.

So, the moral of this story? Pay attention if your dog (or cat) is showing signs of over-friendliness and pushing their heads into parts of your body that dogs normally don't stick their noses. Take note of where they are focusing and see your doctor, pronto!

Until next time ....

~ B-Optimisitic ~

An Insight into a Cancer "Survivor's" Mindset

Over the past several months I have had an insatiable appetite for inspirational stories of cancer survivors, reading numerous books for both personal and for professional reasons. As I peruse through the lives of others who have been affected by cancer, I find that it gives me hope and allows me the opportunity to more fully understand the emotions I experience daily – like a roller coaster ride gone wild; and to know that these emotions are normal and not reflective of some inner mental breakdown that will eventually take me to the depths of hell.

This morning as I reviewed a book by Lori Hope entitled, “Help me Live: 20 things people with cancer want you to know”, I found a treasure in words written from the viewpoint of someone going through the unknowns of a life with cancer - Lori herself. Lori compares the feeling of travelling on a train and being rapidly thrown from the brightness of day into the deep darkness of the tunnels with the emotions she experiences when asked whether she has been cured of cancer.

Quoting from her afterword on page 199, this is what Lori writes: “Like going through an unfamiliar tunnel, you have no idea how long you will remain in the dark. And you have no idea what the world will look like when you come out the other end. You cannot know when darkness will overtake you again, shutting out all light. You may pop out for a hundred yards or so and delight in the beauty, only to enter another tunnel and hurtle through darkness again.”

Living in a small community, I am frequently asked how I am doing. I am amazed and humbled by the fact so many people care; and I relish the days when I feel absolutely amazing and am able to honestly tell them so. But there are the occasional dark days when I’d like to say: “The internal workings of my body are a mystery and I will always have the black cloud of cancer hanging over my head, never knowing when and if it might invade my inner sanctum once again. How do you think I’m feeling?” Fortunately, being the optimist that I am, those days are few and far between!

I thank you, Lori, for providing me with a less callous way of expressing my inner thoughts!

Until next time …..
~ B-Optimistic ~


Note: Lori's book, published by Celestial Arts in 2005, is a great read and full of insight, with 20 sections to help everyone understand what is going through a cancer survivor's mind; from how to be a good listener to why we might lose our tempers or cry at the drop of a hat. If you are a friend, caregiver, or even a cancer survivor, check it out.