I Really am Doing Fine ......

My three (3) year post surgery anniversary is coming up in mid September 2015. I'd like to forget that I’ve ever had cancer, but the thought really never does go away completely. Once you’ve had cancer, it is always quick to give you a fright. Every little ache or pain becomes magnified – like an echo in a barrel. But so far, so good! Right now I’m fine and still sticking by my ‘One day at a time’ motto … which goes hand in hand with my favourite saying, ‘It is what it is’. I remain optimistic in light of it all. The odds are good that GCT will pop up again, but that doesn’t mean it will. See! Optimism galore! ;-)

I can only assume that others who have been through their own struggles with cancer can share this - I expect it’s common. Lately I have noticed a little extra something when people I haven’t seen in awhile ask how I am doing. Perhaps it’s because I’ve had so many recurrences over the past 13 years. Whatever the reason, I answer this question with my normal, “I’m fine today. One day at a time, you know” accentuated with a smile. (I used to say, “I’m doing great!” until the 3^rd and 4^th recurrence. Then I figured I should add the ‘warning’.) ;-)

It’s nice that people are concerned and I do greatly appreciate that they ask. But what’s up with the intense look that some seem to give? It seems like they intentionally tilt their heads so they can look me directly in the eye, like they are trying to look deep in my soul to see if I’m telling the truth! And I feel obligated to repeat that I am, indeed, doing well. No need to worry, I’m fine. And ‘poof’.  Just like that the conversation has flipped from them being concerned about me to me being concerned that they are worried about me. Sometimes the feeling is so strong that I almost feel obligated to call them later to make sure THEY are OK! lol

But hey, that’s fine. I hope they don’t stop asking …. because as long as they do, that means they care (well, in most cases)! lol 

Until next time!

~ B-Optmistic ~

What Does Your 'Happy Dance' Look Like?

I'm sure you've heard the term "Happy Dance" at least once in your lifetime. But have you actually personally done a Happy Dance? I have .... many times. But I've never put it on video because I'm sure my Happy Dance looks much better in my mind that it would to actually see it!! LOL

But this gal has ..... and it's fantastic. You really have to check this video out; then check out the other links as well. She was recently visiting St. John's, Newfoundland on the east coast of Canada and I discovered her when a post appeared on Facebook. Since it made me happy, I just had to share. Here are the links. Enjoy!! And then take out your favourite tunes and 'dance like no one is watching.'
Love this story!!
Watch the video first - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37QBlyPcMBQ

..... Then watch the news story on Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=704577456281117&set=vb.198993970172804&type=2&theater

...... And she's got a great blog! - http://tiffanystaropoli.com/about-tiffany/


Until next time ......
~ B-Optimistic ~  :-)

P.S. I am presently healthy and happy!! I hope to do a little more Blogging soon!

RECURRING CANCER - It's becoming a habit for me

Well, my friends. I have some news that I wanted to share with you personally before the word gets out on the street. I am not posting this because I am looking for sympathy or comments. In fact, if you know me at all, you know that the opposite of this is the case. I just know how quickly bad news travels on the ‘grapevine’ and how it is normally stretched right out of proportion. It won’t be long before the stories get started.

My latest CTScan at the end of July indicated that my cancer is back. I have a 12 cm tumour in approximately the same area as the last one. Only one, so that is great news! So, I am travelling once again to Halifax for a consultation with my Oncologist on September 6^th and expect to have a surgery date scheduled for some time after that.

Once the initial disappointment dissipated, my mental state has remained optimistic, just as it has been in the past. With this being my 4^th surgery to remove these little devils since 2002, it has gotten to the point that I just think “WHEN will the next recurrence be” not “Will the cancer return.” I refer to these recurrences as my “speed bumps on the road of life”.

Physically, I was feeling wonderful and staying active until two nights ago. My symptoms are not the same as the other 3 times and I’m hoping that is a good thing. Left sided pain that subsides to a bit of abdominal discomfort is all I have this time. But it was enough to make me suspect things were not quite right and I requested a Scan prior to my last check up, confirming the presence of another tumour. I continued to enjoy life in spite of it all over the past two months even with the diagnosis.J

I will try and keep everyone informed of what is happening so you know the truth, but if you hear something on the street and wonder if it’s true, do not be afraid to ask. There have been some wild stories with regard to my health status in the past. It’s been 10 years since my initial diagnosis and I plan on being around for another 30 - just to keep Willie’s life interesting!! LOL

You can be assured that I appreciate and accept all optimistic vibes and prayers for my upcoming surgery and recovery. I thank you for that. And although I know many of you will want to offer words of encouragement - I have witnessed how supportive you all are - I may not be able to keep up with the responses to this post AND get all of those household tasks done that I need to do before surgery. lol But I WILL make it my priority to answer any questions you might have about my condition if it will help make others more aware of the symptoms and issues surrounding Ovarian Cancer.

If you aren’t familiar with my past cancer history - and are interested - it's all right here on the blog. Now that I am making my recurrence ‘public’, I will try and keep you up to date on what is happening inside this mind of mine as well. J

Until next time ......

~ B-Optimistic ~

Four Year Anniversary

The 4-year anniversary of my last cancer surgery is coming up next week - so far, so good.  I was reading through my journal from that time in my life and it is really surprising what I had forgotten!

I had a good chuckle when I read this section: “I remember feeling very confident when I awoke from the anesthesia this time. I can't describe it any other way, but it was a very palpable feeling. Even before asking whether I required a colostomy, which seems to be my first response when they wake me up, I felt good - no nausea at all. For some reason I don't remember coming back upstairs to my room. I do, however, remember that every time I opened my eyes, Willie, Bob & Jeff had their chairs circling the bottom of the bed and all were staring at me as if they were waiting for me to breathe or something. Talk about make someone paranoid!! haha I sent them all home at a decent time tonight. I imagine they are tired from the day and I am doing fine.”

I also wrote about the other special people I met during this journey – a lovely but lonely lady from PEI whose son was her only relative and he wasn’t arriving until the next day, the 72 year old who had brain cancer and was facing radiation for the umpteenth time but still had a whole lot of spunk left in her, the 60+ year old gentleman who had throat cancer and had been given 5 months to live if he didn’t have treatment. He decided to try the radiation but had to live at the hospital for the entire month because he had no family - his wife had just been admitted to a local psychiatric hospital. I looked forward to our chats in the TV room. 

And then there was Barb from Sussex (it really is a small world) who arrived a couple of days before I left. Barb and I had a lot of time to sit and talk between family visits. We even shared email addresses and kept in touch for several months afterwards. The last message I received from her was not a good one - her cancer had returned quickly - and severely - and she was leaving that afternoon for Saint John to undergo intensive treatments. I never heard from her again.

I spent a week in hospital. A lot happens; a lot changes, a lot is forgotten. But I can guaranteed that these wonderful people who touched my heart will be with me forever. As I write this, I see their faces. And I wonder.

Until next time ......

BOptimistic!! :-) 

An Insight into a Cancer "Survivor's" Mindset

Over the past several months I have had an insatiable appetite for inspirational stories of cancer survivors, reading numerous books for both personal and for professional reasons. As I peruse through the lives of others who have been affected by cancer, I find that it gives me hope and allows me the opportunity to more fully understand the emotions I experience daily – like a roller coaster ride gone wild; and to know that these emotions are normal and not reflective of some inner mental breakdown that will eventually take me to the depths of hell.

This morning as I reviewed a book by Lori Hope entitled, “Help me Live: 20 things people with cancer want you to know”, I found a treasure in words written from the viewpoint of someone going through the unknowns of a life with cancer - Lori herself. Lori compares the feeling of travelling on a train and being rapidly thrown from the brightness of day into the deep darkness of the tunnels with the emotions she experiences when asked whether she has been cured of cancer.

Quoting from her afterword on page 199, this is what Lori writes: “Like going through an unfamiliar tunnel, you have no idea how long you will remain in the dark. And you have no idea what the world will look like when you come out the other end. You cannot know when darkness will overtake you again, shutting out all light. You may pop out for a hundred yards or so and delight in the beauty, only to enter another tunnel and hurtle through darkness again.”

Living in a small community, I am frequently asked how I am doing. I am amazed and humbled by the fact so many people care; and I relish the days when I feel absolutely amazing and am able to honestly tell them so. But there are the occasional dark days when I’d like to say: “The internal workings of my body are a mystery and I will always have the black cloud of cancer hanging over my head, never knowing when and if it might invade my inner sanctum once again. How do you think I’m feeling?” Fortunately, being the optimist that I am, those days are few and far between!

I thank you, Lori, for providing me with a less callous way of expressing my inner thoughts!

Until next time …..
~ B-Optimistic ~


Note: Lori's book, published by Celestial Arts in 2005, is a great read and full of insight, with 20 sections to help everyone understand what is going through a cancer survivor's mind; from how to be a good listener to why we might lose our tempers or cry at the drop of a hat. If you are a friend, caregiver, or even a cancer survivor, check it out.