What it is Like to Live with a Cancer Diagnosis

Imagine you’re going about your day, minding your own business, when someone sneaks up behind you. You feel something press up against the back of your head, as someone whispers in your ear.

“Sssshhhhh…. don’t turn around. Just listen. I am holding a gun against the back of your head. I’m going to keep it there. I’m going to follow you around like this every day, for the rest of your life.”

“I’m going to press a bit harder, every so often, just to remind you I’m here, but you need to try your best to ignore me, to move on with your life. Act like I’m not here, but don’t you ever forget… one day I may just pull the trigger… or maybe I won’t. Isn’t this going to be a fun game?”

This is what it is like to be diagnosed with cancer. Any STAGE of cancer. Any KIND of cancer. Remission does not change the constant fear. It never truly goes away. It’s always in the back of your mind.

Please, if you have a loved one who has ever been diagnosed with cancer, remember this. They may never talk about it or they may talk about it often. Listen to them. They aren’t asking you to make it better. They want you to sit with them in their fear… their sadness… their anger… just for the moment. That’s it.

Don’t try to talk them out of how they are feeling. That doesn’t help. It will only make them feel like what they are going through is being minimized. Don’t remind them of all the good things they still have in their life. They know. They are grateful.

But some days they are more aware of that gun pressing into the back of their head and they need to talk about it. Offer them an ear.

Written by Sherry McAllister

❤

Thank you, Sherry, for so effectively describing what life is like for someone diagnosed with cancer. You have captured the feeling perfectly.

Until next time …….

~ B-Optimistic 😊

Sherry is the Mom to Sherman the Therapy Dog on Facebook.  She is a 2x's cancer survivor who, at the time of writing this on March 21, 2019, was battling incurable stage 4 Gastrointestinal cancer, after a 2 year battle with breast cancer.

https://www.facebook.com/ShermantheTherapyDog/posts/cancer-imagine-youre-going-about-your-day-minding-your-own-business-when-someone/2119948471414861/

What is Your 'Something'?

I ran into a friend downtown today who I haven’t seen in a while. He asked how I was doing. “Cancer hasn’t returned?” he queried.

“Nope,” I replied, “not so far. It’s been nearly a year since the last time I was diagnosed and I’m feeling pretty good.”

“Life isn’t fair,” he stated flatly, referring to the fact that I had cancer in the first place. He always says the same thing to me when we meet. It’s because he cares.

“Life’s fair,” I responded. And when he looked me in the eye as if I had lost my marbles, I continued. “Things could be so much worse than they are. I hope my cancer doesn’t come back, but I’m still alive and right now I feel good. I’m happy with that.”

“Yup,” he said. “You’re right. Things could have been a whole lot worse.”

And then we moved on to other topics. But I know we will have this same conversation the next time I see him because we have had it since I was first diagnosed more than 11 years ago.

Just prior to this conversation, another friend - who has retired and feels better now than she has in years – talked about the various ailments she had while working that have now nearly disappeared with medication and exercise. “We are all at the age where we have something wrong,” she said. “It’s just a matter of what that ‘something’ is.”

I certainly could not disagree with her!! It seems that everyone I know, both younger and older, are developing some kind of physical (or mental) issue. Fortunate (and rare) are those who reach retirement age and have had nothing serious to complain about up until this point. You know, I have told myself many times that if I was given the opportunity to choose between the cancer that I have been blessed with and some of the other illnesses that plague my friends, I would keep what I have. At least I have a reprieve between recurrences, where I feel like there is nothing wrong with my body. Some of my friends don’t get that break; and many can’t remember how it feels to not be in pain. My heart goes out to them.

But for me – at least at this point in time – life is fair. I will continue to pray that my cancer does not return. But if it does, I’ll just dig deep in my trunk for a supply of ‘get me through it’ strength and cross that bridge when I come to it.

Until next time …..

~ B-Optimistic ~

Would you Want to Know Everything?

Would you want to know all of the details of your cancer prognosis ..... every little detail, no matter how devastating? According to this article, that might not be what you get from your doctor.

My gynecologist/surgeon was very forthcoming with every detail of my condition, both before and after my first surgery. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. By knowing all the details, I was able to educate myself and, hopefully, ask better questions the second and third time I went under the knife. 

Would I want to know if I had only months to live? You betcha. Because I would make the most of every last minute that I had remaining. Gory? I don't think so. It's the real deal. We're all going to go sometime. 

Tim McGraw says it best ...... Live Like you were Dying

Until next time .......

~B-Optimistic~

Ovarian Cancer Research: Two Steps Forward and One Step Back?

It has not been a good week for ovarian cancer news. Here’s what I’ve read in the last 48 hours ………

Article one: Following a two-year study, researchers at John Hopkins’ have determined that ascites, a fluid that may be present in ovarian cancer cases, is capable of suppressing the T cells of the immune system, leaving the cancer free to roam and spread freely.

Article two: Researchers have admitted to erring in the study of ovarian cancer. It appears that they have lumped all ovarian cancers together when, in actuality, each form of ovarian cancer should have been studied individually. Given that there is such a broad range of ovarian cancer types, shouldn’t that have been the first variable considered?

These news releases are not exactly what I have been waiting to hear. Breakthroughs, miracle cures, magic pills; these are things that I want to read about. You know, like those miracle diet pills that were promoted years ago, where you take one pill and wake up slimmer! Well, I want one where I take a pill and wake up cancer free!

Okay, I’m not really that unrealistic. And I’m sure that somewhere there are amazing advancements being made in the fight against ovarian cancer.

But in my world, this is what I saw this week.

On the flip side, I purchased the second “Crazy Sexy Cancer” book and although I haven’t had time to just sit and read, I’ve taken a quick tour of the book and it looks like it’s as cool as the first one. I’ll blog more about it when I have a chance.

On a more humbling note, I found a reference on another blog (which unfortunately I forgot to bookmark) that included a statement that really hit home and utilizes the five stages of grief – Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. It went something like this:

“If I were given only five weeks to live, I could spend one week on each stage of grief with the final week being one of acceptance. Or, I could just skip the first four stages, accept my fate, and enjoy all five weeks!” (I will identify the author and post a connection to this blog when I find it again.)

Words to live by!!

Until next time …..

~ B-Optimistic ~