The Guest House - Poem by Jelalludin Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks

A Passing Storm 
Original Painting by Brenda L Despres

As I work on a painting tonight, I am multitasking by listening to an audio book entitled, "The Joy Diet: 10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life" by Martha Beck. Don't get me wrong. I am definitely in a good place right now - both mentally and emotionally, but I always strive to find ways to keep that feeling steady.

In the first part of this book, Martha recites a poem that I find quite interesting ... and definitely worth sharing. It sanctions mood changes .... the ups and downs of everyday life ... and encourages us to accept and greet those altering personality shifts with a smile and a welcome.

Take a minute to read it for yourself .... I would love to hear your comments!

THE GUEST HOUSE

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

-- Jelaluddin Rumi,

    translation by Coleman Barks

The Guest House - Poem by Jelalludin Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks

Meanwhile, I must get back to my art.

Until next time ....
~ B-Optimistic ~ :-)

The Power of Words ......

When I was younger, I always used to wonder why my Mother kept the greeting cards that were given to her on special occasions. There were tons of them, each bunch circled by an elastic band to keep them together, collected over the years for birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, and condolences – and any other occasion befitting a message of hope, joy, or sorrow.

I am definitely my Mother’s daughter. I, too, have my bundle of cards …. well, OK, more than one. My collection is growing each year, but I don’t expect to ever reach the number of cards my mother had saved.

As I was rearranging things in my dresser drawer today in an effort to become more organized, I came across a large bundle of cards – encircled with an elastic, each containing a personal message reflective of the occasion. Against my better judgment (and my goal of getting things done), I sat down on the bed and started to read through them in hopes of whittling down the pile. A valiant effort …. but, alas, all cards will go into the new box of memories delegated just for them.

There were so many wonderful hand written notes, each one heartfelt and memorable. But there was one card in particular that caught and held my attention. The poem inside – written by Emily Matthews – was beautiful – but it was the personal sentiment expressed by my friend, Kathy C, in a card sent to me several years ago, that demanded I stop long enough to share the message with you now.

“I recently heard a minister say something which hit a note with me,” Kathy wrote. “When you are down to nothing, that is when God is up to something.”

There were many times over the past 10 years that I could have easily crawled into a fetal position and asked, “Why me”. But it is messages like this one that have kept me strong and helped me face my personal battle with cancer optimistically. Thank you, Kathy! Your words are still bringing me hope and determination after all these years.

Do you have a friend whose spirit could use a little lift? Send them a card with a handwritten message, perhaps one that they will tuck away in their memory bundle. You just never know how many years of joy that message will bring!

Until next time ……

~ BOptimistic ~

P.S. For the record, it will be four months this week since my surgery and I am very thankful that life is returning to normal and I am now able to resume many of the tasks of everyday life. :-)

Would you Want to Know Everything?

Would you want to know all of the details of your cancer prognosis ..... every little detail, no matter how devastating? According to this article, that might not be what you get from your doctor.

My gynecologist/surgeon was very forthcoming with every detail of my condition, both before and after my first surgery. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. By knowing all the details, I was able to educate myself and, hopefully, ask better questions the second and third time I went under the knife. 

Would I want to know if I had only months to live? You betcha. Because I would make the most of every last minute that I had remaining. Gory? I don't think so. It's the real deal. We're all going to go sometime. 

Tim McGraw says it best ...... Live Like you were Dying

Until next time .......

~B-Optimistic~

An Early Christmas Gift

I had my CT Scan last Friday, December 19th. I have never been nervous for a scan before, but this one really flipped me upside down – nervous stomach, tension, the whole nine yards!! I was so sure that the tenderness I have experienced since mid-July signalled the return of cancer. The days prior to the scan were filled with headaches, aches and pains, and the need for daily naps, adding even more fuel for the imagination. I was positive that this disease was starting to take over my body once again.

I even tried to analyze the expression on the technician’s face as she unhooked the IV and removed that amazingly comfortable wedge from under my knees (I really have to get one of those for home!). She didn’t look me in the eyes and her smile seemed to be a bit forced. That could only mean one thing …..

I was meeting friends following the scan and on the drive there I made the choice to leave it all in the hands of my higher power. If the scan showed what I suspected, then I would deal with it; there was a reason for it. I felt very comfortable about my decision to ask my doctor to keep the results to herself until after the Holidays. Although I hadn’t asked her to, I tried to imagine her calling me with good news before Christmas – you know, that positive-thought-vibe technique – but negative thoughts kept drifting in and taking over. I guess thinking about cancer’s return not being part of the equation was difficult because the signs seemed to all point to a recurrence.

Letting go of my concerns and putting my fears in someone else’s hands (someone else being my “higher power”) worked wonders. I really cannot imagine how people survive without the belief that there is someone or something more powerful out there to help ease the burdens of life. It is such a comforting feeling.

The weekend went quickly and we had lots of fun. Our two grandchildren, ages 4 ½ and 3, came for a two-night visit and the weekend was a blur of activity. Monday was busy as well, especially with Christmas just a few days away.

It was around 9:15 p.m. on Monday evening when the phone rang and I just assumed it was one of the kids calling. At first I didn’t recognize her voice and when she said her name, I shuddered from head to toe. My first thought: “Surely she hasn’t forgotten that I did not want to hear the results until after the Holidays”? And then I realized that this doctor is much more compassionate than that and she could only be calling for one reason – good news!

The CT Scan results were back and …… drum roll please ….. there was no sign of cancer!! What an amazing bit of news to hear just a few days before Christmas! It was difficult to talk with a frog in my throat and tears streaming down my cheeks. But I did manage to wish her a Happy Holiday and to thank her for taking the time out to call. After I hung up, I asked my husband to confirm that I was not dreaming; that my doctor had just called and all was well. Wow, what a bag of mixed emotions I was experiencing!!

It took me two whole days for this news to sink in and become real. But, believe me, I am now floating on cloud nine … no, make that could ten!! Oh, and I’ve decided to live in the “now” for a few weeks because it is an amazing place to be at the moment. I’ll get back to my “planning for the future” phase after the Holidays!

I’m off to prepare for an overnight stay with our children and grandchildren to await the arrival of Santa. We have lots to be thankful for – we have the freedom that comes with living in a great country; we enjoy the comforts and pleasure of being surrounded by friends and family; and this year we will celebrate a cancer-free Christmas!!

But above all else, I will give thanks for the wonderful work of my oncologist and his team and for this wonderful sensation of comfort and security, embraced in the arms of my higher being. May you all experience this feeling at least once in your lives!

Until next time ……

~ B-Optimistic ~

Spirituality on My Own Terms

Every so often I find myself focused too intently on cancer and, more specifically, the possibility of its return. There are no physical symptoms to bring it to my attention; it's just a mental glitch in my thought processes that began to plague me earlier this year when I was faced with my third surgery. The cancer reappeared too quickly last time and even though there is the "slightest" chance it will not return for several years, I find myself constantly watching for symptoms.

This overwhelming dread of "a cancer returned" struck me several times over the past week or so. I have no explanation why; there has been nothing obvious to draw me into the vortex of doom. It's just a fear; a shadow lurking in the dark recesses of my mind.

So what does this have to do with sprituality? My spirituality - my belief in a higher power - is my saving grace. It's the reason these dark thoughts do not take up residence; why I no longer dwell for days on the possibility of a recurrence; and why cancer has not taken over my life.

I am not a church goer. I did, however, attend a Pentecostal Sunday School until I was 15 years old, so I have a good knowledge base of "fire and brimstone".

I lost faith in the human transmission of God's word when one of those famous TV Evangelists locked himself in a tower and declared that unless viewers donated a million dollars to his ministry, God would strike him dead (or something similar to that). And I can still see the face of another TV Evangelist, distorted in a dramatical display of tears and pain, crying fervently for forgiveness - from God and the people - after his escapades with a prostitute became public. This guy reminded me of a child who, at any moment, might open one eye just to check and see if anyone is watching. And really people .... why all the glitz and glamour; makeup and false eyelashes; dramatics and deceit????

OK, perhaps there are individuals who actually get something from these "prophets of God" and I guess some people need a little reinforcement every so often. But personally, I prefer the direct line approach. For the record, I believe in guardian angels, higher beings, and God. So whoever is available at the moment is who I talk to and we have discussed my situation many times over the past 6 years.

I must admit, I had a difficult time at first letting go of my fear, leaving it in my higher being's (HB's) hands; just walking away. But this past few months it has gotten much easier. When the anxiety begins to overtake me, I pass my problems to HB, take a deep breath, put on a big smile, and face life and it's many obstacles with a new determination and a positive outlook.

After all, qu'est cera, cera!! What will be, will be. I'm not going to waste my time worrying about what is in store for me down the road. I'll just deal with each speed bump in the highway of life when, and if, I have to. Until then, HB is my "baggage" handler and he/she is taking really good care of me!!

Until next time .....
~ B-Optimistic ~

It's October 19th - a beautiful Sunday morning - and I have just found this blog - which I find to be an interesting addendum to my original post. In his blog, "dhamma musings", Shravasti Dhammika talks about another Pentecostal preacher who deceived his congregation. I hadn't heard about this one .... Check it out for yourself .... http://sdhammika.blogspot.com/2008/10/heal-thyself.html

And I would certainly be interested in reading similar stories of deceit as it strengthens my conviction to maintain a direct line with my own personal higher being!! Please send them my way .......