The Power of Words ......

When I was younger, I always used to wonder why my Mother kept the greeting cards that were given to her on special occasions. There were tons of them, each bunch circled by an elastic band to keep them together, collected over the years for birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, and condolences – and any other occasion befitting a message of hope, joy, or sorrow.

I am definitely my Mother’s daughter. I, too, have my bundle of cards …. well, OK, more than one. My collection is growing each year, but I don’t expect to ever reach the number of cards my mother had saved.

As I was rearranging things in my dresser drawer today in an effort to become more organized, I came across a large bundle of cards – encircled with an elastic, each containing a personal message reflective of the occasion. Against my better judgment (and my goal of getting things done), I sat down on the bed and started to read through them in hopes of whittling down the pile. A valiant effort …. but, alas, all cards will go into the new box of memories delegated just for them.

There were so many wonderful hand written notes, each one heartfelt and memorable. But there was one card in particular that caught and held my attention. The poem inside – written by Emily Matthews – was beautiful – but it was the personal sentiment expressed by my friend, Kathy C, in a card sent to me several years ago, that demanded I stop long enough to share the message with you now.

“I recently heard a minister say something which hit a note with me,” Kathy wrote. “When you are down to nothing, that is when God is up to something.”

There were many times over the past 10 years that I could have easily crawled into a fetal position and asked, “Why me”. But it is messages like this one that have kept me strong and helped me face my personal battle with cancer optimistically. Thank you, Kathy! Your words are still bringing me hope and determination after all these years.

Do you have a friend whose spirit could use a little lift? Send them a card with a handwritten message, perhaps one that they will tuck away in their memory bundle. You just never know how many years of joy that message will bring!

Until next time ……

~ BOptimistic ~

P.S. For the record, it will be four months this week since my surgery and I am very thankful that life is returning to normal and I am now able to resume many of the tasks of everyday life. :-)

ONE MONTH YESTERDAY SINCE SURGERY!!

Taken two weeks after surgery with my two favourite little people!!! It was a very happy Thanksgiving!

AN UPDATE .... WITH A PLUS!!!!

It is hard to believe that it has been a whole month yesterday since I was in Halifax having major surgery to remove a tumour from my abdomen! But then there are times when it feels like several months have passed …. I guess because I have recovered so easily and quickly this time (knock on wood).  Over the past couple of weeks I have had such good days that only the scar reminds me of what I've been through.

I started driving again on Sunday morning; a short jaunt to a local restaurant to meet five of my BFF’s from high school for a catch up breakfast. My girls …. They are so supportive. It still amazes me that we can gather around a table and continue our conversations as if we just saw each other yesterday. Our relationships are so easy. I consider myself VERY fortunate to have these gals in my life. As we get older, our conversations have drastically changed – the topic of boyfriends and dances has turned into children, grandchildren, and the pitfalls of getting older. Well, I guess things do change after 37 years, right?? LOL

But I digress. I have some wonderful news that I have been dying to share with you!! My Oncologist called today with his follow up report. And I have been floating on Cloud 9 since that conversation. Let me tell you all about it …..

During surgery, my Oncologist had discovered 3 nodules near the same area where my tumour was located. Naturally, the foregone conclusion was that these nodules were probably the start of 3 more GCT’s, so just to confirm, one was snipped and the sample sent off to the lab for testing. Since the surgery, I have been saying numerous prayers that these little guys would take their good old time growing to a size large enough to remove surgically. Although I am normally an optimistic person and deal with this disease head on, on the night before this last surgery, I experienced an all time low mentally. I wanted to run away … not go through with it at all, but that was not an option. And just this morning when I first awoke, I lay there wondering how long it would be this time before I was back under the knife again – a thought that has been on my mind fairly frequently.

Well, the news I got today has given me a something to be very gratefully for and a pardon, if you will, from these dark thoughts. Dr. Bentley tells me that the results of the testing on the nodules have come back NEGATIVE for cancer cells!!!! That’s right – NEGATIVE!!  I’m still in shock … a good shock … and feeling ecstatic because I can now push those thoughts of early recurrence to the back of my mind – at least for the time being!!

Now, that doesn't mean that the GCT he removed wasn't cancerous. It was. And I’m not naive  I know that there is a very strong possibility that I will have to face surgery again in the future. But because these little guys aren't ‘thriving’ GCT’s, I can now hope that it will be a much longer period of time before I have to go under the knife again. Dr. Bentley tells me that he considers this a very good sign. I certainly couldn't agree more!!

So that’s my story for today!! I’m feeling wonderful, still behaving myself to prevent complications, able to drive the car again, and simply enjoying the extra special care that Willie has giving me this past month. Hmmmmm …. Maybe I should drag this out just a little longer so that the TLC part of the experience doesn't have to end too soon!! hehe

Until next time …….

~ B-Optimistic ~   J

NEVER TAKE YOUR GOOD HEALTH FOR GRANTED …..

This morning as I was lying in bed, I was hoping beyond hope that the Fleet enema that was needed two nights ago was continuing to do what it needed to do, and praying that I would not be faced with another trip to hospital to have a drainage tube inserted through the nose and to the stomach. Gross, I know, but the procedure itself is normally not that bad when you are under anesthesia - or until you get an irritated throat – which I did this time. I begged them to take mine out in hospital three days after surgery. If they hadn't, I expect they would have had to sedate me or I would have gone insane.  The 'team' gave me the warning that I may get physically ill without it, but I favoured physical illness over the mental type at that particular point in time. Thankfully, nothing negative resulted from its removal, and I was left with only the throat irritation which is getting better with each day. Fortunately, I also appear to be making it over this second major hurdle as well - the only other one I've faced since my surgery on September 24^th. I will spare you all of the boring details regarding the surgery, the six days in hospital, and my complaints about too many people interrupting my hospital rest, but I will tell you that I consider myself one lucky lady to have such a wonderful and caring Oncologist and health care team!

My recovery this time has actually been faster than any of my three previous surgeries. Although the actual procedure was pretty much the same, my incision was at least 6-7 inches shorter this time and I credit this in particular with my reduction in discomfort. I have much more energy than before with little need for naps (although I make sure I lie down several times each day to give the belly a bit of a stretch) and I am getting enough exercise to keep things mobile. I even took a walk around the backyard a couple of days ago and took photos of the fall colours. Not bad for just being out of hospital for a week, huh?

But another thought crossed my mind as I was lying there this morning. When I write it down like this, it sounds like a walk in the park. But it's not. Do the people in my life realize how fortunate they really are when they can live their lives without the constant thoughts of recurrent illness and hospitalization, drugs with side effects, and recuperation from surgeries? I can only hope they do!

Naturally, I would give anything to go back to pre 2002 and start over – without cancer; to be able to only be concerned about arthritis pain, hot flashes, and other minor ailments suffered by those in my age group. But that is not to be, so I will shake it off and move forward … again … until the next recurrence.

But to my friends and family I say, “Enjoy each day to the fullest” .... because you do not know what lurks around the corner and sometimes you just can’t run fast enough.

Happy Thanksgiving!! I’m looking forward to sharing the day with family!

Until next time ….

~B-Optimistic~

THE COUNTDOWN IS NEARLY OVER ... JUST ONE MORE SLEEP …..

Well, it’s down to the wire now and I’m starting to feel the anxiety levels rise. I’ve actually done quite well over the past couple of weeks, but the thought of only one more sleep is making me a bit antsy. What I wouldn’t give right now to wake up and realize that it is all a bad dream. But it’s not …..

I’m not really sure how to describe the emotional roller coaster I’m on right now. Of course the main emotion is fear, a sensation that touches every part of my being now and even more so over the next few days. My list includes the …….

Fear that I will be up too late tonight getting ready and not get enough sleep.

Fear that I will oversleep in the morning and have to rush around to get out the door on time.

Fear that I won’t have an appetite and not be able to stop along the highway somewhere for a late breakfast or an early lunch before I am faced with the prospect of eating hospital food.

Fear that I will wind up on a 3-day diet of ice chips like last time – which made the hospital food look very appealing!

Fear that I will be late for check-in on the 5^th Floor of the VG Hospital.

Fear that something will happen to the reservations at Point Pleasant Lodge and I won’t be with Willie when he checks in to straighten it all out.

Fear that there won’t be a parking place at the back of the Lodge for Willie to park the car off of the streets of Halifax.

Fear that something will happen to the boys when they travel down tomorrow night.

Fear that my surgery, which is scheduled for 2 o’clock, will be delayed and I will have to wait even longer than planned.

Fear that Dr. Bentley will find more than he bargained for when he goes in.

Fear that I will come out of surgery with more complications than expected.

Fear that I won’t come out of surgery.

Fear that I will pick up some bug at the hospital and end up sicker than I should be.

And oh so many more fears that I could fill this page and the next ………

But I have to end the list here and go pack my bag for the journey to end the fear of forgetting something. :-) Hopefully my next post will be a bit less dismal with a lot more hopes than fears.

Until next time …..

~BOptimistic ~

ONE WEEK AND COUNTING ….

Well, the surgery date is coming quickly. But given the speed that this summer has flown past, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised! Can you believe that September is half over already? The surprising thing here on the east coast of Canada is that the leaves have just started turning to the wondrous shades of rust, orange, yellow, burgundy, and a few lingering greens over the past week or so. Normally, the fall colours start providing wonderful fodder for photos by the end of August. I’m not complaining … just hoping that I will improve quickly from surgery in time for my annual fall colour cruise somewhere in our beautiful province!! Perhaps I won’t get as far this year, but we do not have to travel great distances to enjoy the vibrant art creations of Mother Nature. I’m hoping she takes her good old time getting her brushes ready this year.

I’m starting to get a bit antsy, but more about the travel down to Halifax on Sunday morning and making sure we get there in time for check in. It will be an early morning departure, for sure since check in time is 1 o’clock and the drive is 4 ½ hours. Surprisingly, I’m looking forward to having surgery this time. Well, I’m pretty sure you know what I mean when I say that. I would definitely rather be doing something else altogether! lol But this recurrence is different – more frightening – than the other three and the thought of going through another painful episode has me totally paranoid.

There is a great deal of difference in the type of discomfort I am experiencing. The tumour is located in a higher position – just under the rib – and it is making it more difficult for me to forget that I actually have cancer … something I was almost able to do in previous recurrences. This guy is definitely making certain that I don’t forget, especially if I sit up for too long! That’s when the discomfort – and sometimes a sharp feeling – radiates around to the back, much like a muscle ache.

So, bring it on, I say. But make this last week long enough that I get all of those little things done that I have on my list!! And hopefully grab a few more of those grandkid cuddles before the weekend. ;-)

Until next time …..

~ B-Optimistic ~

TWO WEEKS … THE COUNTDOWN IS ON

Well, the countdown is on. I got THE call from Halifax this afternoon and I am scheduled for surgery at 2 o’clock on Monday, September 24^th. I’m very grateful to my Oncologist for working things out so that I don’t have to make two trips to Halifax and instead will check into my ‘suite’ at the VG on Sunday afternoon and have all of the pre-op tests done that day. Feeling as I am, it would have been a very rough journey to undertake twice!

So now the planning begins. The reservations are made at the Lodge for Willie and the boys, who are coming along for moral support.  I’ve booked a whole week for Willie’s stay since that seems to be the usual length of time that I remain in hospital, but hopefully it will be a speedier recovery this time. I sure wish I was booking a room for that vacation we planned on taking this fall instead ….. But, it is what it is. Maybe we'll still get a couple of nights away somewhere once these hurricanes have passed. :-)

Am I nervous? As long as I don’t REALLY think about it, I am OK. I expect that I will be scared out of my britches by the time Friday before surgery rolls around, so I’ll enjoy this naivety while I can. But having trust in my Oncologist/Surgeon makes all the difference in the world with regard to my mental state and he has a wonderful team close at hand to take care of any little surprises that might arise. So I guess it’s all good.

Meanwhile, keep those prayers and positive vibes coming my way! I’ve got to go make a list of priorities!!

Until next time …..

~B-Optimistic~

MY ONCOLOGIST’S CONSULTATION IS COMPLETE

It was a VERY long day yesterday. We left home around 7:30 a.m. for the 4 ½ drive to Halifax. With my appointment at 2 o’clock, unknown construction delays, and a planned stop at Murphy’s Fish & Chips for lunch, we did not want to be rushed. We got lost once just as we arrived in Halifax when I tried to use my tablet as a guide. Yup, it is just like reading a map and I guess my record for that one goes untarnished – still not my forte. lol So out came the GPS and she guided us through the maze of streets and traffic to our destination – a full ½ hour before the appointment.

I was hurting by the time we got there and had a very difficult time standing up straight when I walked the long distance from the car to the Oncologist’s office. The pain from sitting and being jostled by the constant dodging of potholes had taken its toll. But one thing is for certain …  being in agony during my examination easily communicated to the Oncologist that my pain rating of 8 out of 10 wasn’t exaggerated. And, if I had been fine, I probably would not have pushed my desire to have a quick surgery date as effectively. After all, who wants to have surgery when they are feeling great??

The actual consultation was a good and positive one. There were no surprises; there is only one tumour and he says it is ripe for picking! He is confident going in that it will be no worse than in the past. And he was very pleased that this recurrence is more than four years out, compared with the last one that occurred within one year.

His warnings regarding the actual surgery are all the same – the tumour could be brushing up against the stomach and/or the small or large bowel, a fact that could result in the scraping or removal of part of the affected area to prevent future problems. He was pleased that we have been fortunate in the past not to have to remove any portion of the bowel, so he has lots to work with if a resection is required. Fingers crossed that this won’t be needed.

I had joked four years ago about installing a zipper to make future surgeries easier. He took me seriously, saying that he didn’t think it would work well in my situation. Say what? They really do that, I said? Apparently they do. So this time, he remembered what I had said and joked about ‘our zipper technique’. Love this guy!

But with all the talk of the things that could happen during surgery, when the discussion came around to post surgery I once again reminded him that I am still anti-chemo. Well, here’s where the angels sang, lightning flashed, and I swear I heard a brass band strike a tune in the hallway – he actually bowed his head and then admitted that he has to now agree with my views on chemo. Wow! Another “Say What?” moment. After seven years of having to reiterate my anti-chemo thoughts, it is wonderful that he has finally come around to my side, and of his own accord. He has always agreed with my argument that there is no evidence chemo would work for me, but he always said I should consider that it might be necessary. This is the first time that he has come right out and said that that he backs me up. What a relief ….. And what a large smile I must have been sporting at that point in time.

Now don’t get me wrong. Chemo might be right for some people and help for certain cancers, but not for GCT. There is no proof that it works for those of us with this disease, but there is plenty of evidence that it causes other very serious complications, including irreparable nerve and organ damage. Since I return to a healthy status in between surgeries, I am pleased that I will continue to be able to forego treatment and continue to do that.

The consultation was an hour long. The drive home was so much longer! I was stress free mentally. However, the stress on my body was more horrendous than I realized. When I got in the house, I could barely walk up the two flights of stairs to my bedroom. And, when I finally made it, I was shivering uncontrollably, probably on the verge of exhaustion. It’s amazing how your body can hold up as long as it has to. I crashed. I was shaking and freezing and with a lot of effort on my part, got changed into my night clothes and immediately - and with much effort - crawled under the covers to get warm. I didn’t even have the energy to open my eyes when Willie came up to check on me. I was asleep within minutes. Two hours later I awoke feeling halfway human again.

Today, after a wonderful sleep - I swear I never moved a muscle all night long – I find that the pain in my side has improved a great deal. I won’t be doing anything crazy (like housework lol), but at least I can move about without holding my side and moaning loudly with pain. Fingers crossed that things continue to improve as the days go on. J

So, as it stands, I should get a call with my surgery date sometime in the near future. However, if I have another painful incident like I had this past Sunday – which is caused, he suspects, by the tumour bleeding into itself - I am to make my way to the nearest ER and have them call my Oncologist to arrange a transfer to Halifax, if necessary. I will be praying that this action will not be required … I’m willing to wait a few weeks!!

Until next time ……

~B-Optimistic ~

READY TO GO .....

Today we leave for my consultation in Halifax. I slept fairly well last night considering, but I don't think I moved a muscle at all. I am torn and tense this morning - on one hand I am hoping that he keeps me there today and does the surgery ASAP. It seems so far away when I am here at home. On the other hand, the discomfort and pain when I move or cough or sneeze or yawn is really worrying me and I am hoping if he sends me home today that he can offer some reassurance that this will eventually ease like it has the other 2 or 3 times. Or at least give me some good drugs ... LOL

I was awake at 5:30 and tried to get back to sleep, but no go. I've packed a bag ... just in case ... and taking my laptop and tablet because I'd be lost without the ability to communicate with friends and family.

I will post later, either from home or from Halifax - depending on the result of my visit today. Keep praying, my friends. It's my safety net and what gets me through! :-)

Until next time ....
~ BOptimistic ~

RECURRING CANCER - It's becoming a habit for me

Well, my friends. I have some news that I wanted to share with you personally before the word gets out on the street. I am not posting this because I am looking for sympathy or comments. In fact, if you know me at all, you know that the opposite of this is the case. I just know how quickly bad news travels on the ‘grapevine’ and how it is normally stretched right out of proportion. It won’t be long before the stories get started.

My latest CTScan at the end of July indicated that my cancer is back. I have a 12 cm tumour in approximately the same area as the last one. Only one, so that is great news! So, I am travelling once again to Halifax for a consultation with my Oncologist on September 6^th and expect to have a surgery date scheduled for some time after that.

Once the initial disappointment dissipated, my mental state has remained optimistic, just as it has been in the past. With this being my 4^th surgery to remove these little devils since 2002, it has gotten to the point that I just think “WHEN will the next recurrence be” not “Will the cancer return.” I refer to these recurrences as my “speed bumps on the road of life”.

Physically, I was feeling wonderful and staying active until two nights ago. My symptoms are not the same as the other 3 times and I’m hoping that is a good thing. Left sided pain that subsides to a bit of abdominal discomfort is all I have this time. But it was enough to make me suspect things were not quite right and I requested a Scan prior to my last check up, confirming the presence of another tumour. I continued to enjoy life in spite of it all over the past two months even with the diagnosis.J

I will try and keep everyone informed of what is happening so you know the truth, but if you hear something on the street and wonder if it’s true, do not be afraid to ask. There have been some wild stories with regard to my health status in the past. It’s been 10 years since my initial diagnosis and I plan on being around for another 30 - just to keep Willie’s life interesting!! LOL

You can be assured that I appreciate and accept all optimistic vibes and prayers for my upcoming surgery and recovery. I thank you for that. And although I know many of you will want to offer words of encouragement - I have witnessed how supportive you all are - I may not be able to keep up with the responses to this post AND get all of those household tasks done that I need to do before surgery. lol But I WILL make it my priority to answer any questions you might have about my condition if it will help make others more aware of the symptoms and issues surrounding Ovarian Cancer.

If you aren’t familiar with my past cancer history - and are interested - it's all right here on the blog. Now that I am making my recurrence ‘public’, I will try and keep you up to date on what is happening inside this mind of mine as well. J

Until next time ......

~ B-Optimistic ~

ANOTHER SYMPTOM for GCT

This morning I was introduced to a U.S. website with a good array of information on all forms of women's cancer. When reading the details on stromal cell cancers (my GCT falls under this category), I was intrigued to see that 'new onset acne' was listed as one of the top three symptoms!

This is the first website that has provided confirmation that the breakouts that always seems to be present - not only on my face, but also on my arms and legs - during a recurrence of GCT is actually a symptom. Who would have thought that acne would be a sign that cancer had returned? 

Now that I see the symptom confirmed, I guess it's time to make an adjustment to my own symptom list!! 

Until next time .......

~ B-Optimistic ~

NEW BRUNSWICK BIOSCIENCE FIRM ON CUSP OF CANCER BREAKTHROUGH

I have seen "New Brunswick + Science Breakthrough + Cancer" in a lot of stories over the past couple of years. In this story a team of scientists, headed by Dr. Jack Stewart and working out of his lab in Sackville, N.B., have discovered cancer fighting potential in the venom of the lowly shrew.

And once again it appears that our little province has extremely "shrewd" scientists working diligently to develop new and highly effective treatments for cancer. Let's hope the clinical trials prove their theories right!

Read how the study came about here.

Until next time .......
~ BOptimistic ~

A "PERKS OF CANCER" BLOG

I just happened upon this blog entitled "The Perks of Having Cancer" and thought I would share. This lady has been blogging about the good things she has discovered since being diagnosed with cancer and has been documenting them since October 2011, actually reaching 100 perks on June 25th!!


Florence calls herself a "Breast Cancer Warrior", a great term for describing her battle against breast cancer. Check out her story. It might just motivate you to start your own list of perks!


Until next time ........
~ BOptimistic ~

DaVinci Robotic Surgery

I was just checking out the profile on a fellow GCT survivor and noted that the DaVinci Robotic surgical technique was used for her 3rd surgery. She said she was back to work in 3 weeks! Impressive!

Have You Had Your Laugh Today?

Laughter truly is the best medicine. But do you know why?

Have You Had Your Laugh Quota Today?

Laughter truly is the best medicine. But do you know why?

This "How Stuff Works" provides the ins and outs of why this is so.

Two Hundred Years of Cancer Research

An article by Vincent T. DeVita, Jr., M.D., and Steven A. Rosenberg, M.D., Ph.D. in the New England Journal of Medicine

This article provides a great overview of the advancements made in cancer research and procedures over the past 200 years.

Having had Ovarian Cancer, this paragraph really got my attention and made me stand up and pay attention:

"In the treatment of cancer, surgery was the first tool available. In 1809, Ephraim McDowell removed an ovarian tumor without the use of anesthesia, the first abdominal surgery performed in the United States, and provided evidence that tumor masses could be cured by surgery."

I have only one thing to say. OUCH!!

Until next time ......

~ BOptimistic ~

Ovarian Cancer Links

Have you been diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer? I just discovered two wonderful links that might be just what the doctor would order -

https://www.inspire.com/ lets you connect with others who have been diagnosed with Ovarian cancer
AND
http://www.ovariancancer.org/ contains multiple resources (including a link where you can track your symptoms)

Check them out to see if they are what you are looking for!!

Connecting with Others Affected by Cancer

Here is a great resoource for anyone affected by cancer - either directly or indirectly. It was extremely helpful to me when I was diagnosed 10 years ago. Connecting directly with other individuals who are going through the same type of cancer is very therapeutic and educational. Check it out. And most importantly of all, share the link!  http://www.cancercompass.com/

Four Year Anniversary

The 4-year anniversary of my last cancer surgery is coming up next week - so far, so good.  I was reading through my journal from that time in my life and it is really surprising what I had forgotten!

I had a good chuckle when I read this section: “I remember feeling very confident when I awoke from the anesthesia this time. I can't describe it any other way, but it was a very palpable feeling. Even before asking whether I required a colostomy, which seems to be my first response when they wake me up, I felt good - no nausea at all. For some reason I don't remember coming back upstairs to my room. I do, however, remember that every time I opened my eyes, Willie, Bob & Jeff had their chairs circling the bottom of the bed and all were staring at me as if they were waiting for me to breathe or something. Talk about make someone paranoid!! haha I sent them all home at a decent time tonight. I imagine they are tired from the day and I am doing fine.”

I also wrote about the other special people I met during this journey – a lovely but lonely lady from PEI whose son was her only relative and he wasn’t arriving until the next day, the 72 year old who had brain cancer and was facing radiation for the umpteenth time but still had a whole lot of spunk left in her, the 60+ year old gentleman who had throat cancer and had been given 5 months to live if he didn’t have treatment. He decided to try the radiation but had to live at the hospital for the entire month because he had no family - his wife had just been admitted to a local psychiatric hospital. I looked forward to our chats in the TV room. 

And then there was Barb from Sussex (it really is a small world) who arrived a couple of days before I left. Barb and I had a lot of time to sit and talk between family visits. We even shared email addresses and kept in touch for several months afterwards. The last message I received from her was not a good one - her cancer had returned quickly - and severely - and she was leaving that afternoon for Saint John to undergo intensive treatments. I never heard from her again.

I spent a week in hospital. A lot happens; a lot changes, a lot is forgotten. But I can guaranteed that these wonderful people who touched my heart will be with me forever. As I write this, I see their faces. And I wonder.

Until next time ......

BOptimistic!! :-) 

Ovarian Cancer Canada News

Ovarian Cancer Canada names Dr. David Huntsman for inaugural research award.